Hey! It’s all over now! Michael Jackson’s not guilty! I feel bad for several reasons: Either we just took a saintly millionaire who helps poor children and absolutely dragged his name through the sewer, thus ruining his life, or we took an insane millionaire and let him off the hook for ruining the lives of others. Either way, the whole thing was horrible.
What will the media do with themselves? Cover:
The shadowy and oft-evil Bush cabal?
Steroids in baseball?
The answer is the same as the answer to the question of whether Brad and Angelina had an affair: They don’t give a shit, as long as enough people are watching. They would have Nancy Grace eating puppies live on the air if it guaranteed ratings. As it is, she has to do it off-air in the corner of her dressing room.
You know, some say this trial has taken a toll on Michael Jackson. Not me. I think he looks just as healthy and hearty as ever…
Boy… Michael Jackson hasn’t changed a bit, has he?
And if you think I’m just mentioning Michael Jackson a lot to increase my blog’s visibility online through blog search engines, well, you’re wrong. I think the Michael Jackson trial is a cultural landmark. Especially for Michael Jackson fans. Not to mention others who are in the news, like Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, Oprah, and Saddam Hussein.
Is it working yet?
By the way, wouldn’t it be cool to have a bumbling crime caper film starring Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, Michael Jackson, and Saddam Hussein battling Oprah?
Hmm. Maybe now it’s working. Time shall tell.
PS: Ann Coulter is a man.