FINALLY! Everyone I was surprising has received their surprise! SO! It is with great pleasure that I present the finished first draft of my book. 
I just sent this stack o’ books out to some close trusted readers last week, and they seem to be arriving on pace!
It’s called Angel Falls (in case the photo quality is bad). Summed up thusly:
Since being banished from Heaven, Lucifer Morningstar has spent his time working mergers and acquisitions in the underworld. He’s assigned to absorb the afterlives of various cultures from around the world. He’s horribly lazy.
He receives a visit from a broken angel who informs him that an ancient deity
has arisen and is seeking to murder God and consume the known universe.
Lucifer will have to do some detective work to discover who’s behind this attempt and find a way to stop it. If anyone’s going to overthrow God, it’ll be him…and this might be his last chance.
I really believe in this one, feeling pretty good about it. After I finish my (possibly extensive) rewrites, I’m going to be shopping hard for agents. I figured rather than asking readers to squint at a pdf onscreen or shuffle a stack of papers, I’d entice them with a nicely bound copy and other forms of bribery (how do you guys like those Jonas Brothers temporary tattoos? Huh? Huh?!)
This is my advance thank-you to my advance read team! We shall advance together into a future with less repetition of words!
If I haven’t landed an agent by year’s end, I will probably do a limited press run for sale, so keep your eyes peeled!
Thanks so much, man. Can’t wait to tear into this one. Er, as in, open the cover and read it, not shred it critically.