Too bad these will all go to some snobby rich person as a novelty gift…

That’s just my hurt feelings talking ’cause I know I won’t win this auction. I picked this up on Neil Gaiman’s blog and HAD to pass it along, as it is the coolest auction I’ve seen in a while (until the next Virgin Mary Cheese Sandwich, that is).

“Have you ever wanted to be in a Stephen King book? (You must be female in order to die, though.)
Stephen King
What he’s offering:”One (and only one) character name in a novel called CELL, which is now in work and which will appear in either 2006 or 2007. Buyer should be aware that CELL is a violent piece of work, which comes complete with zombies set in motion by bad cell phone signals that destroy the human brain. Like cheap whiskey, it’s very nasty and extremely satisfying. Character can be male or female, but a buyer who wants to die must in this case be female. In any case, I’ll require physical description of auction winner, including any nickname (can be made up, I don’t give a rip).” When you can bid:September 8-18

Lemony Snicket
What he’s offering:”An utterance by Sunny Baudelaire in Book the Thirteenth. Pronunciation and/or spelling may be slightly ‘mutilated.’ An example of this is in The Grim Grotto when Sunny utters ‘Bushcheney.’ Target publication date is Fall 2006.” When you can bid:September 8-18
Jonathan Lethem
What he’s offering:”I need the name of a Columbia University professor for a comic book I’m writing for Marvel. It can be your name or the name of a friend — but if it’s a friend, I need to hear from them with their permission.”When you can bid:September 8-18

Neil Gaiman:
promise to put your name onto a gravestone in my next children’s novel, THE GRAVEYARD BOOK.
The schedule (and the complete list of authors) is as follows:
September 1-10: Michael Chabon, Amy Tan, Peter Straub, Andrew Sean Greer, Karen Joy Fowler
September 8-18: Stephen King, Lemony Snicket, Dorothy Allison, Jonathan Lethem, Ayelet Waldman
September 15-25: John Grisham, Nora Roberts, Neil Gaiman, Dave Eggers, Rick Moody, ZZ Packer

And all the information is up at It’s a perfect birthday present, graduation present, retirement present, way to impress a boyfriend, girlfriend, parent, child. And it’s for an extremely good cause. Spread the word. “

Wow. Bet this bidding gets out of hand fast. And instead of us poor schlubs who scrimp to get the latest hardcovers, you know these are all going to Muffy’s husband, or the trust fund babies, or the yuppettes who know their friends would just hoot to see their name in a book by Amy Tan.
GAARRR! I need discretionary income!

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